Sunday, September 22, 2013

feeling frustrated...

So google has failed me this weekend.  My searches have been completely futile.  You see my friends are concerned for me.  They seem to think that I am on the fast track to burn out.  Several friends have told me that they think I need a serious ministry break - to take that sabbatical.  Several friends have expressed concern in other ways... "It seems like you are really distracted" "You are tired most of the time."  You know, friendly, saying.... something is just not right.

Enter google.... So finally I've decided that I needed some ammunition to counteract my friends comments.  I wanted to be able to tell them, okay here's the plan.  This is what God and I are going to do.  So I googled spiritual health for youth pastors, retreats for ministers, spiritual growth for pastors, etc.  And I found basically nothing.  So I'm at a bit of an impasse.  I have no answers, no action steps, no plan.  So I'm going old-school.  I've just busted out my Bible and journal and asked God to speak.  Begged him to (a good friend prays frequently begging God to speak and I've stolen that language, because I want desperately to communicate how much I want to hear). 

And I'm trying to figure out how to be quiet...
how to wait....
how to hear...

jesus, I am begging you to speak.  I am begging you to calm my heart, mind, and ears to be able to listen.  Don't let me keeping running in circles that don't make sense, that you didn't design for me to run.  Don't allow me to exhaust myself working for you instead of with you.  show me where and how and who.  show me when to go and when to wait.  give me the patience to follow your lead.  I want to be known as a follower of the Way.  lead me.  I'm begging. amen.

"But God's not finished.  He's waiting around to be gracious to you. 
He's gathering strength to show mercy to you.
GOD takes the time to do everything right - everything.
Those who wait around for him are the lucky ones."
Isaiah 30:18 (The Message)