It's a Miracle!

There are days when I just need to know that You are there... that You are here... that You are working.  There are days when I just need to see You - Your face and Your hands.

This was one of those days - and you let me see a miracle.

It took me a few weeks to give myself enough courage to head to the Central Authority's office (PANI) to ask for the letter explaining that Costa Rica would gladly do a home study for an US foster care adoption (because Costa Rica had said it was impossible for me to adopt here), or they would allow a US social worker to come and assess me.  My life always seems to be way too complicated and I was afraid that once again a door would be closed in front of me after I felt that I was called to walk into it. 

I finally decided that I wasn't going to let the fear of the unknown win.  I wasn't going to allow the worse case scenarios to play on repeat in my brain.  I was going to pray like crazy and then actually walk into the office and see what happened.  I wasn't going to accept a no - I was asking an either or question.  Either you say yes to this option or yes to this option.  I'm not going to leave without a yes.

So I put on a "I'm a beautiful powerhouse outfit" and I promised myself in the mirror that I could do this.  That Jesus and I could do this.  I asked Jesus once again to confirm that He was in this crazy process.  And I went.

Long story short - I ended up in a meeting with the director of the adoption department and an amazing social worker.  The director seems like an incredible man who really wants to be helpful.  The social worker was compassionate and kind.  They informed me that Costa Rican adoption law was changing in three weeks.  Wording would change from "citizen" to "habitual resident".  This cracks open the door for the national adoption process for me!  This means applying to adopt a Costa Rican child, here in Costa Rica.  This is the best case scenario that I had been told was absolutely impossible.  I am witness to a miracle.  God is changing the adoption law!

I love how Jesus is allowing me to watch what He is doing.  Giving me more evidence that He is trustworthy and fighting for me.  That if I won't give up walking where He's asked me to walk (even when it seems unproductive to me), He will show up. 

I am currently collecting a mountain of paperwork to prove that I actually live in Costa Rica and not only enjoy "traveling" to Costa Rica - as my legal status appears.  Please pray for God to continue to give me favor with government officials. Thank you for praying and believing with me for this miracle of adoption to take place!

 

I'm Your Momma - We Just Haven't Met Yet

Hey there...  It's me, your momma.  I'm waiting for you.  I'm fighting for you.  I LOVE YOU!

I wish I could sit in front of you today and see your handsome face and tell you how long I've been thinking about you.  Even though I had no idea (and still don't) what you would look like. 

This is what I know...

You are loved.  You are desired.  You are known.  God made you perfectly.  You are worth fighting for! 

I am praying for you.  I am fighting for you in the best ways I know how. 

I am longing to be able to sit at the table to laugh and cry with you.  To listen to you.  To learn with you. 

One day this dream will be a reality.  We may never know why we had to wait so long to meet each other, but I'm trusting and praying for you as I wait.  So today, I pray you know.... know you do have a momma somewhere and she loves you very, very much.

Christmas Eve for those who are Waiting

It's Christmas Eve - a day about waiting hopes being fulfilled.  It's a day where we are told that the world and our future is completely different.  Jesus showed up and He changed everything.  People had waited for so long - and HE CAME.

But today, I'm thinking about those who continue to wait. 

I saw a video from the Aleppo crisis, where a man shouted, Muslims, where are you?  Where are you?  And my heart broke.  Christians, where are we?  Why haven't we done a better job of showing these people love and providing their basic needs?  Why did we wait so long?  Why are we still waiting to show up in the lives of so many in need?  Jesus, show up in war-torn areas today!




I think of the faces of the kids listed on the adoptuskids.org website.  These beautiful children of God who are simply waiting for adults to step up and be loving parents to them.  So many children just waiting.  So many children who tonight may not know that there are people who care deeply for them, who are praying for them, and desire to fight for them.  Jesus, show up in these kids hearts today!

I think of the families who are separated because of war and the act of peacekeeping throughout the world.  Military families who will not be able to celebrate on the same continent because of their sacrifice to their country.  Jesus, show up on military bases and in the homes of their families today!

You came.  You are here.  You will come. 

We will celebrate.  We will pray.  We will love.

You will come like the rain

rain -

1. water that falls from the sky to bring nourishment and new life to the earth
2. moisture you can see
3. the source of puddles and maker of mud
4. what forces me inside several months of the year...

I was just introduced to "My Soul Longs for You" by Jesus Culture.  Check out the song - (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OUJQx_JmtVA).  Here are the lyrics to the whole song:

My Soul Longs for YOU

Nothing Else Will Do

I believe You will come like the Rain

You'll come like the rain

We are entrenched in rainy season.  October is always the rainiest month of the year.  When I attempt to describe it to people who have not experienced it, I usually say... well, it will be completely clear skies one minute and then the faucet is turned on full force the next.  And you are drenched.  All the time.  Rain coats and umbrellas only slightly help.  So usually, I think that all worships calling out for rain or to "let it rain" should be banned during the rainy season.  But this week, thinking about the certainty of Jesus coming like the rain poured out hope, joy, and peace on me.  He will come.  He is here.   And he comes like the faucet on full force.  Like an October day in Costa Rica.  How great it is to know He will come like the rain.  Makes me want to go dance and run in this rainstorm and thank God for coming to be here with me.

Living in the Waiting

waiting

1. the time in between the ask and the answer
2. wandering in the "desert" in search of the promised land
3. battle between being frustrated and being hopeful

You said that I didn't have to wait anymore.  You said to go.  I spent two weeks making sure that I was hearing you correctly, then checked in with people I trust.  We heard You say go, move, now is the time.  So, here I am trying to go.  And the very first step and ran smack into a very tall, very sturdy brick wall.

Yet, I know what I heard.  I trust You.  I know You know exactly how this will work out.  But seriously, after waiting for years for you to say Yes, Go!  This wait is much more challenging, more painful.  It feels almost cruel; like a smack in the face.  Doubt is constantly creeping in on the edges of my mind. 

Then You had someone speak straight to me.  "You don't want to be like Abraham and create a family on your own timing.  That was a mess and has caused generational turmoil."  Okay, I get it.  I definitely don't want to do that.  You spoke to Abraham.  You fulfilled Your promise - even after Abraham took things into his own hands and screwed everything up.  You still followed through with Your plan and Your promise.  So don't let me be like Abraham.  Let me live in the waiting.  Let me be prepared for when You decide to bust open opportunity and make miracles happen.  I'm watching and waiting. 

Psalm 27:14
"Wait patiently for the LORD.  Be brave and courageous.  Yes, wait patiently for the LORD."

I think you repeated that for me.... yes, yes, I get it.  I will wait.

feeling frustrated...

So google has failed me this weekend.  My searches have been completely futile.  You see my friends are concerned for me.  They seem to think that I am on the fast track to burn out.  Several friends have told me that they think I need a serious ministry break - to take that sabbatical.  Several friends have expressed concern in other ways... "It seems like you are really distracted" "You are tired most of the time."  You know, friendly, saying.... something is just not right.

Enter google.... So finally I've decided that I needed some ammunition to counteract my friends comments.  I wanted to be able to tell them, okay here's the plan.  This is what God and I are going to do.  So I googled spiritual health for youth pastors, retreats for ministers, spiritual growth for pastors, etc.  And I found basically nothing.  So I'm at a bit of an impasse.  I have no answers, no action steps, no plan.  So I'm going old-school.  I've just busted out my Bible and journal and asked God to speak.  Begged him to (a good friend prays frequently begging God to speak and I've stolen that language, because I want desperately to communicate how much I want to hear). 

And I'm trying to figure out how to be quiet...
how to wait....
how to hear...

jesus, I am begging you to speak.  I am begging you to calm my heart, mind, and ears to be able to listen.  Don't let me keeping running in circles that don't make sense, that you didn't design for me to run.  Don't allow me to exhaust myself working for you instead of with you.  show me where and how and who.  show me when to go and when to wait.  give me the patience to follow your lead.  I want to be known as a follower of the Way.  lead me.  I'm begging. amen.

"But God's not finished.  He's waiting around to be gracious to you. 
He's gathering strength to show mercy to you.
GOD takes the time to do everything right - everything.
Those who wait around for him are the lucky ones."
Isaiah 30:18 (The Message)

screaming [skree-ming]

1. loud, bursts of unexpected ear-splitting sound making it known that one is afraid or in need of help
2. attempted singing, but loudly and off-pitch
3. sound that comes out of mom's mouths on the side of the soccer field.

i was immediately shot-rocketed out of my deep, sleep as my name was shrieked into the calm, quiet of the night.  he was screaming uncontrollably. my name.  it was the middle of the night and his three-year-old world was very scary.  it's amazing how loud a terrified toddler can be and how fast i can jump into motion in the middle of the night.  who knew?  screaming stops. tears are wiped away. his name is now softly heard over and over.  it's okay. you're okay. sweet little boy once again curls up and falls quickly asleep.  quiet returns, joy fills my heart, and soft toddler sleep breaths are all that is heard.