Turning 35 or Turning Into My Mom...

For as long as I can remember, my Dad has teased me that when I turned 35, I was going to turn into my mother.  He joked that my mom all of the sudden had my Grandma Lois' quirks once she turned 35.

It used to really bother me.  Mostly because I saw myself as other.  And I still do.  There are a lot of times when I feel like I see the world differently and interact with the world quite differently than anyone else in my family.  I am my own person and I have my own personality... but on the eve of my 35th birthday, I'm thinking about the ways I'm like my mom.  And for the many reasons I'm thankful that there are parts of me that just might be turning into my mom.

My mom loves to make friends.  And so do I.  We used to joke that we literally couldn't go anywhere without running into someone my mom knows.  Or that she'd never met a stranger.  I, myself, have been accused of using the term "friend" a little too liberally.  But I like that I quickly accept others into friendship.  And that I am able to have friends from many different places and life circumstances.  Relationships are important to us.  One of the things I am most grateful for is that my parents are genuinely interested in my life - and want to know my friends.  And, I love that we share so many friends. 

My mom loves our family deeply.  And so do I.  My mom is loyal and cares deeply for each member of our family.  She longs for everyone to know that they are known, loved, and appreciated.  I am so grateful for my parents intentional and significant involvement in my nephews' lives and for the way they help take care of sick family members.  If you are a part of our family, my mom prays for you to know that you are loved most by Jesus.  And so do I. 

My mom invites others in.  Hopefully, so do I.  There's room at the table.  There's a bed to spare.  There's a place for you.  There have been a few seasons in my life when our home was shared with my Great Aunt Jayne or a family from our church.  Those experiences taught me a great deal about how to generously invite others into all of your life. 

My mom is gifted teacher.  And its also a gift I believe I've been given. While my mom's gift is most easily seen in a classroom setting (at school or at church), she also enjoys informally mentoring young teachers and moms.  I mostly prefer to use this skill through modeling and mentoring.

My mom loves children.  And so do I.  My mom has a special gift with small children and I think God gifted me with a special gift for tweens and young teenagers.

My mom loves water.  And so do I.  I love that my mom taught me to swim as a baby and gifted me with so many experiences with water - competitive swimming, boat rides, a backyard with a pool, and "Perrycations" at the ocean.  Being in or by water brings us both great joy. 

My mom has a sweet tooth.  And so do I.   I swear I inherited my inability to pass on any opportunity to eat a cinnamon roll.   

For as long as I can remember, one of my deepest desires has been to become a mom.  I have always known that my mom loves me deeply.  She tells me and shows me all the time that I'm loved.  And I hope that I can be a great momma... just like mine. 

He Said...

He Said…

I’ve been playing ultimate Frisbee as a fun hobby for several years now.  I haven’t improved much – and it’s a little embarrassing that I can no longer call myself a beginner.  However, occasionally it works to my advantage.  Usually, whoever is guarding me isn’t too concerned about the Frisbee being thrown to me.  Because, well…. It doesn’t happen a lot.  Mostly that’s on me, I still haven’t figured out the best routes to run and I’m still really slow.  But it’s also because it’s not guaranteed that I’ll actually catch whatever is thrown my direction.  So mostly ultimate has become a great place for me to run around, getting great exercise and being around a different group of interesting people.  I’m there to have fun, not focused on perfecting my skills.  And I have a lot of fun.

We were halfway through the game; and I slipped away unnoticed from the person guarding me.  I managed to make the right run, clear line from the handler to me in the end zone.  He made eye contact and threw the disc.  And I started repeating in my head…. Just catch it.  Two hands. You got this.  And simultaneously… whatever you do don’t drop this.  Don’t screw this up.  I took a deep breath, and crocodile clapped my hands around the disc and quickly pulled it to my chest. 

He looked at me, laughed, and smiling said, “I believe in you more than you believe in yourself.” 

And it’s true.  He trusted me.  He released the disc and sent it soaring to me.    And for the rest of the game, all I could hear in my head was “I believe in you.” “I believe in you more.”  And I soared with confidence.

And all I kept thinking is how much I want that to be what other people hear in their heads when they are on my team on the field, and in life  Friend – I believe in you!  I believe in you more!

.

Reading Log for 2018

Again - I mostly post this for my own benefit - but again the books in bold are the books I recommend from what I read this past year.  My goal this year was to read books that were written mostly by people who were not white males (nothing against them, just they've typically written most of what I read and wanted to expand my experience).  I succeeded.  This challenge led me to find out more about life for North Koreans, explore Latino authors, and pick up a couple of books about race.  I actually read all of these as my current travel entertainment has been changed to podcasts.  

1. Historicas Biblicas de Jesus para Ninos (Jesus Storybook Bible) por Sally Lloyd-Jones
If you haven't read the Story Book Bible, I highly recommend it.  It brings the Bible to life (and shouldn't just be for kids!)  Yes, I read the whole thing in Spanish because I gifted it to my godsons and wanted to be able to say I'd read the whole thing first.  

2. Between the Lines by Jodi Picoult and Samantha Van Leer
3. Connect the Stars by Marisa de los Santos and David Teague
4. Walk Two Moons by Sharon Creech
5. The Education of Margot Sanchez by Lilliam Rivera
6. I am not Your Perfect Mexican Daughter by Erika Sanchez
7. Wolf Hollow by Lauren Wolk
8. My Beloved World by Sonia Sotomayor
Sonia Sotomayor is on the US Supreme Court.  Her autobiography tells her story of adversity and triumph.  She has had to prove herself worthy for most of her life and has a great perspective as she sits on the bench.  There's very little legal talk - its her life story, and I recommend it.

9. Belong to Me: A Novel by Marisa de los Santos
Seriously, just read it.  Incredible characters and great character development.  You keep wondering how all the stories are going to intersect - and its just beautiful.  Thanks Joanna Crossett for recommending it!

10. The Girl With Seven Names: Escape from North Korea by Hyeonseo Lee
This is an incredible story of perseverance and will help you appreciate all that you have!

11. Booked by Kwame Alexander
12. The Very Good Gospel: How Everything Wrong Can Be Made Right by Lisa Sharon Harper
13. It's Not the End of the World by Judy Blume
14. Waking Up White and Finding Myself in the Story of Race by Debby Irving
15. Going for Kona by Pamela Fagan Hutchins
16. Sarah's Key by Tatiana de Rosnay
It's a story about a Holocaust Survivor - but its a page turner.  

17. The Giver and the Gift: Principles of Kingdom Fundraising by Peter Greer & David Weekley
18. Unseen: The Gift of Being Hidden in a World that Loves to be Noticed by Sara Hagerty
19. The Fire This Time: A New Generation Speaks about Race by Jesmyn Ward
20. All the News thats Fit to Tell and How to Tell It by Amy Young
21. Let's Get Lost: A Coming of Age Novel by Adi Alsaid
22. Stars Between the Sun and the Moon by Lucia Jang and Susan McClelland
23. Ashley's War: The Untold Story of Women Soldiers on the Special Ops Battlefield by Gayle Tzemach Lemmon
24. The Single's Guide to Thriving by Lina AbuJamra
25. Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine by Gail Honeyman
26. Scary Close by Donald Miller
27. Everybody, Always: Becoming Love in a World Full of Setbacks and Difficult People by Bob Goff
It's Bob Goff - so seriously do I need to say more?  Be challenged.  Laugh. Enjoy his adventures.

28. Praying for Your Children by Elmer Towns and David Earley
29. She is Free: Learning the Truth about the Lies The Hold You Captive by Andi Andrew
30. Anxious for Nothing: Finding Calm in a Chaotic World by Max Lucado
31. Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet by Jamie Ford
32. Love in a Torn Land by Jean Sasson
33. Before We Were Yours by Lisa Wingate
34. Everything Happens for A Reason and Other Lies I've loved by Kate Bowler
A young mom who is diagnosed with stage four cancer honestly talks about how facing death has changed the way she experiences God and well-meaning people.  It's raw and vulnerable and a great help for anyone who has a friend or family member who has cancer.  

The Ugly Cry (Part 2)

It was never my intention to go silent.  I knew what I had to write about.  I knew the source of my ugly cry's tears.  But I didn't know how to share what was waging war on my brain and my heart.  

I was afraid I would be misunderstood.  I was afraid I'd be ignored.  I was mostly afraid that those I told wouldn't care.

I can't even tell you how many drafts of this I have written, edited, and erased.  So, I finally decided I would just write and then post.  Because this hasn't left my heart or brain.  It's still important.  It still needs to be talked about.

Watching the stories of immigrant families being separated at the border from my computer while sitting in Costa Rica was extremely difficult for me.  Not only because it is just plain wrong to separate children from loving parents.  We know that separation causes trauma.  We know that detention causes trauma.  We know that being in a place where you cannot clearly communicate with those in authority causes trauma.  And there is plenty of research to explain why detaining asylum seekers, and especially separating families is just wrong.  The US government in their review of immigration two years ago stated, "Detention is neither appropriate nor necessary for families."  I hope I don't need to bother spending time explaining why this was and is (as all children have not been returned to their families) just wrong.  

The thing that broke my heart was the conversations I heard surrounding me.  It's Trump's fault.  No, its Obama's fault.  Well, we can't just open the borders and let everyone who wants to come in walk right on in.  We need order.  We need rules.  They need to go back home.  Us versus them.

Two MAJOR problems I have here...

US History 101: The United States is made up of immigrants.  The Native American, or FIRST people, community only makes up 2% of the US population, according to the 2015 Census.  That includes people who indicate mixed heritage.  So, 98% of the US population claims a heritage of immigrants.  So it absolutely blows my mind that there is an us versus them mentality.  When did we forget exactly who we are?  Who we were?

Secondly. according to Raices Texas (raicestexas.org), 85% of people in immigration detention centers in Texas are from Central America.  Most commonly from Honduras, El Salvador, and Guatamala.  I love Central America.  I've lived in Costa Rica for 12 years.  I have traveled quite a bit throughout Central America and I have friends in each country in the region.

Anyone who knows anyone from Central America, knows two things about them.  They are extremely family oriented and they love their country.  I've never known anyone to love their families and countries more.  I can't explain the amount of fear and desperation it would take for a family to choose to leave.  Or for a mother to send her child away.  Or for someone to leave their extended family in hopes that maybe they might be granted asylum in the United States.  The situations these immigrants are leaving are extreme.  

A friend of mine who lives in El Salvador had a gang boss show up on his doorstep one day and tell him that he had two days to leave the city with his family, or they would be killed.  The threat was real.  My friend knew of other families in which no one was spared.  Families where children were tortured and killed in front of the parents before their lives were also taken.

Raices Texas also states that 90% of murders of women committed in Honduras, El Salvador, and Guatemala go un-prosecuted.  Where do you go when the threat on your life is real and the authorities do not care?  Where do you turn when the police and government officials are known for their corruption?  

How desperate do you have to be to pack your bags and make a treacherous journey towards a detention cell in the US while seeking asylum?  

My heart continues to break for this broken world.  I'm glad I'm a part of an organization that is changing the lives and futures of Central Americans.  I believe that Central America is a beautiful place to live and raise a family, but there is also a lot of brokenness and terror.  

I just wish that everyone would take the time to hear some immigrant's stories.  I pray that we would all continue to fight to make each part of this world a better, safer place.  And I pray that we could remember that we are all just humans trying to survive and thrive.  

And that maybe you would take a second to pray for the nearly 3,000 (mostly Central American) children and teenagers being detained in the tent city detention center in Tornillo, Texas - that they might know that there is a God who sees them, knows their names and their stories, and loves them deeply.  They are on my heart tonight.

The Ugly Cry (part 1)

I stood in the middle of the worship service this morning and ugly cried.  You can picture it.  Tears streaming down my face; there was snot involved; and I’m sure that my eyes were red and puffy.  There was a time not that long ago in my life that I would have been petrified to ugly cry in a public place.  But today I wasn’t the only one ugly crying and I welcomed the tears. 

My heart was breaking for the things that break the heart of God.  And we were singing of His redemption and restoration.  His promise that He is not through with us, but making something beautiful.  His promise to love us always, to never leave us, to never abandon us.  And Colossians 1:17b rang true, “He holds all things together.”  We don’t completely fall apart.  Brokenness is met with hope and healing in Jesus.

Today was a multi-sensory, experiential service.  We were invited to remove our shoes so that we could symbolically put ourselves “in the shoes” of the vulnerable.  We were invited to open our eyes and hearts to see these people with God’s eyes and God’s love. 

We walked into the first room.  We were in a small bedroom with a mattress on the floor.  A woman walked in who had just finished working selling herself on the street.  We watched her breakdown, crying out to God for there to be another way.  Crying out for someone to come into her life and really love her.  Then the angry landlord banged on the door reminding her she was late on her rent.  A baby cried in the corner of the room, and the woman loving went to him, comforting him with “momma’s here.  Everything’s going to be ok.” 

Then we went “outside on the street” where we encountered some homeless people.  We listened as a young man told his story of how he found himself living on the street.  He talked of his desperation for food and a dry place to sleep.  How he sought drugs for comfort and then hated himself for using drugs.  How he felt like he was less than human and ignored by those who passed him by.  Our leader asked if she could hug him and pray for him.  She prayed that he would know that he was seen and known and of great worth.

We walked into another room where we sat in chairs and were blindfolded so we could really listen and feel.  An 8-year old boy began to share his story.  He talked about how his mom abused alcohol and couldn’t even remember his name some days.  How his father had abused him.  How he wished he could live at school because he never wanted to come home.  How these nice ladies from the government came to his house to ask him about his life.  How they were so kind to him but how their eyes got really wide when he was talking to them.  He didn’t know why.  How a few days later those nice ladies came and took him away.  He didn’t know who they were.  He didn’t know where they were taking him.  But they took his hand, and whispered in his ear that he was going to be okay.  At this point, someone took my hand and whispered in my ear.  He told us how scared he was and we heard his mom screaming and crying and his dad angrily responding to the social workers.  Then we arrived at his foster home.  He was scared by this kind couple who welcomed him and explained to him that he was going to be living with them for a while and he would be safe in their home.  He hadn’t understood that he was going back to his mom and wasn’t sure what to think.  But they gave him a stuffed animal and a blanket and hot chocolate and yummy food that filled his stomach.  And then – the woman hugged him.  He described how he’d never felt so loved and cared for in his life.  Commence the ugly cry.  This small child’s voice describing how other’s brokenness had hurt him, his fear, and his innate need for love broke me.    

And I sobbed.  And I sang with all that I had, grateful for a God who is present in these difficult situations.  Whose love never runs out, never gets tired, never abandons.  Grateful for a God who invites us to walk into the lives of the hurting with Him.  Grateful for the reminder that I need Jesus just as much as everyone else.  Grateful that my life story isn’t over and neither is anyone else’s… and the plan is big and beautiful and healing.  Hold tight to hope.  Hold tight to Jesus.  

"Happy Un-Birthday"

I walked into the room and tears immediately clouded my view.  

The room was decorated with balloons and banners.  There were cupcakes and candles and sweet women singing “Happy Birthday.”  There were gifts and cards and party hats.  The perfect “un-birthday birthday party.” 

The Azmera Retreat team wanted us to feel special, and they so succeeded. 

It took me several days to even wrap my head around why this simple but overwhelming expression of love moved me instantly to tears.  They celebrated us – me – for being born.  It wasn’t about what we were doing in ministry or in our homes.  It was simply a Kingdom celebration for the daughters of the King. 

And there was dancing (and maybe some cupcakes went flying… but that’s on the down low).  There is something in me that just wants to let loose and dance like crazy.  And I feel like I can when I’m in a dance circle of women who are doing the same.  

I love to celebrate and am often looking for excuses to have a party.  I might be throwing an un-birthday birthday party of my own sometime soon!  Thanks Azmera!

Loved getting to spend the weekend with this amazing small group!  So thankful for each of you opening your hearts and sharing your stories!

A Full Heart, Yet Still Longing 

We spent the afternoon at the park.  The boys had run tirelessly up and down ramps.  Keilor laughed with such pure joy after he finally was able to get up the highest ramp on his own (well maybe my dangling leg helped a little).  They’d conquered their fears after they’d climbed way too high in a tree and had to get make their way back down.  Erick couldn’t stop smiling as he told me he was so convinced that he was going to fall that he still wasn’t sure he hadn’t and he couldn’t make his heart stop.  Joshua squealed on the sea-saw when he was left hanging at the highest point and it was unclear if or when his brother was going to let him down.  They were invited to play soccer with some new friends.  Erick schooled them and then was generous to make sure his brothers scored.  It was a pretty perfect afternoon.

My heart was full and there was a big smile plastered on my face.

On our walk towards their home, Keilor stopped me.  He pulled me down to his level.  Then, he grabbed my ear with both his little hands until his mouth was practically inside my ear.  Then he whispered, “They should tell you that you’re the best godmother ever.”  And my heart broke open.   My heart spilled out joy, love, and pride.  I am so grateful to be a part of these boys’ lives.  I love playing with them, laughing with them, and talking about Jesus.  And I’m so glad that they love me being a part of my life.  

It’s so good.

And yet… 

And yet... my heart also spilled out sadness, longing, and desperation.  It’s hard to accept that these are the extent of relationships with children that God has in my life right now.  The love on you for a few hours and then send you back home kind.  The godmother, friend, leader kind.  These are relationships I cherish and am grateful for… but heading home alone sometimes is just really hard.  I will post these pictures, and I will live off the laughter and joy of this afternoon for days.  I will thank Jesus for letting me be a part of their lives.  And I will remind Jesus again of how my heart aches for a sweet little boy to pull me down to his level, to grab my ear with his hands, and whisper, “Mama”. 

Journeying Through Pages

Reading through 2017

People who know me well, know that I love to read.  This year I wanted to read 52 books and I was very close.  I greatly surpassed my goal if you count all the Children's books I read this year, especially if you counted the 10 times I read The Foot Book by Dr. Seuss (but I won't).  I have to admit that this quantity of books was mostly made possible by the Text-To-Speech feature on my kindle and San Jose traffic.  I also want to thank my Fuller professors for making it so clear to me how much of what I was reading was by old white men, and widening my reading lists. I benefited greatly from that challenge this year, though I still have far to go.

I'm posting this mostly for my own benefit, but thought I'd recommend a few books I read this year as well.  The books are listed in the order that I read them.  The titles that are in bold are my top reads from this year that I highly recommend.

“The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you'll go.” 

― Dr. Seuss, I Can Read With My Eyes Shut!

1. The Wonder by Emma Donoghue
2. Legend by Marie Lu
3. Love Warrior: A Memoir by Glennon Doyle
4. Kisses from Katie by Katie Davis
5. Rare Bird: A Memoir of Loss and Love by Anna Whiston-Donaldson
6. The Faraway Nearby by Rebecca Solnit
7. Soul Keeping: Caring for the most Important Part of You by John Ortberg
8. Present Over Perfect by Shauna Niequist
9. Born a Crime: Stories from a South African Childhood by Trevor Noah             Seriously, you just need to read this book.  Trevor was born in South Africa during Apartheid to a black mother and a white father; literally his being born was a crime.  He uses his humor to talk about a difficult childhood and the brokenness of the world. 
10. Homegoing: A Novel by Yaa Gyasi
11. Falling Free: Rescued from the Life I Always Wanted by Shannan Martin
12. For the Love: Fighting For Grace in a World of Imperfect People by Jen Hatmaker
13. The Witch of Blackbird Pond by Elizabeth George Speare
14. The Insanity of God by Nick Ripkin
15. Give Them Grace: Dazzling Your Kids With the Love of Jesus by Elyse Fitzpatrick
16. The Underground Railroad by Colson Whitehead
17. Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates
18. The Road Back To You by Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile
19. The Problem with Forever by Jennifer Armentrout
20. Calling Me Home by Julie Kibler
21. One Crazy Summer by Rita Williams-Garcia
22. Love Lives Here: Finding What You Need in a World Telling You What You Want - Maria Goff
23. Yes Please by Amy Poehler
24. Find Her by Lisa Gardner
25. Just Mercy: A Story of Justice and Redemption by Bryan Stevenson                            Most U.S. citizens will admit that the correctional system in the U.S. is broken.  But this book is mind-blowing.  Bryan Stevenson's work with death row inmates, battling discrimination and prejudices in the justice system is noble and something you should know about.
26. The War That Saved My Life by Kimberly Brubaker Bradley
27. See Me by Nicholas Sparks
28. Change of Heart by Jodi Picoult
29. The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch                                                                                                     A dying father writes the things he wishes he could teach his children and talks candidly about the process of dying.  Great book to get a good perspective on life.
30. The Boys in the Boat: Nine Americans and Their Epic Quest for Gold at the 1936 Berlin Olympics - Daniel James Brown                                                                                             I read this book because it was recommended to me by a good middle school friend who said it was incredible.  I would have never picked it up myself, but I'm so glad he clued me in.  It is just a great book about real people and the triumphs and difficulties of life.
31. How to Be Here: A Guide to Creating a Life Worth Living by Rob Bell
32. Hidden Figures: The American Dream and the Untold Story of the Black Women Mathematicians Who Helped Win the Space Race by Margot Lee Shetterly
33. We Should All Be Feminists - Chimamanda Ngozi
34. A Year of Biblical Womanhood: How a Liberated Woman Found Herself Sitting on Her Roof, Covering Her Head, and Calling Her Husband Master by Rachel Held Evans
35. The Things They Carried by Tim O'Brien
36. Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
37. Three Little Words by Ashley Rhodes-Couter                                                                                The life story of a child who spent many years in the broken foster care system in the U.S. and was adopted as a teenager.  Anyone who has a heart of children in foster care and adoption should learn from this brave young woman.
38. Three More Words by Ashley Rhodes-Couter
39. Coming Clean by Seth Haines
40. The Captain's Bride by Lisa Tawn Bergen
41. Becoming Home by Jedd Medefind
42. The Sanctuary by Ted Dekker
43. David and Goliath: Underdos, Misfits, and the Art of Battling Giants by Malcolm Gladwell
44. When God Says Wait: Navigating Life's Detours and Delays Without Losing Your Faith, Your Friends, or Your Mind by Elizabeth Lang Thompson
45. Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves
46. Free of Me: Why Life is Better When Its Not Really About Me - Sharon Hodde Miller
47. The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion
48. Tossing and Turning by John Updike
49. Stronger Than You Know by Jolene Perry 

Embrace Your Inner Ezer

It’s not always easy to embrace my identity. Or to fully understand it.  To believe that I am loved, known, and valued.  Telling teenagers that they are known, loved, and valued is something I have dedicated my life to doing.  And yet, sometimes I need to remind myself that it is also true for me.

I have to silence the voices of the lies that tell me I will never be enough. 

There are plenty of overt voices, but I think we also have to be aware of the subtle ways that we are making girls and women feel or believe that they are second-class citizens, just because they are female. 

The church has been a subtle voice that has made me personally feel less than. 

There are so many voices who have told me because I am female, I cannot possibly hear the voice of God in the same way as a man.  That I must always be under the authority of a man when teaching coed groups.  All these voices trying to tell me that I am not hearing God's clear calling on my life correctly.  

Thankfully, they were never the only voices that I heard.  There is an army of witnesses that have spoken truth over me, who have affirmed and encouraged me.  Unfortunately, the truth hasn’t always been the loudest voice in my head. 

Here's the reason for the soapbox moment: I recently learned that our English Bible translation might be part of the confusion about the value of women.  

In Genesis 2, God decides to make a “suitable helper” for Adam.  “The help” is the woman who is later named Eve.  This word has always been difficult for me because it seems demeaning… like I was made to help fulfill the man’s needs, or to do the things he is unwilling to do. 

Here’s the blow your mind truth that I just learned.  The word that is typically translated as help – really is a strong word.  The Hebrew word to describe the woman that God is going to create is ezer.  Ezer means “strength” or “rescue”.  Meaning God created Eve to be Adam’s strength.  God created women to be rescuers in times of other humans’ great needs.  

The word ezer is found 21 times in the Bible.  Twice we find ezer in Genesis, in reference to Eve.  Three times the nation Israel begs other nations for military Ezer – strength, rescue.  However, ezer is used sixteen times to describe God’s great power and strength; His faithfulness to rescue us in our distress. 

Psalm 33:20 - We put our hope in the Lord. He is our (ezer) help and our shield.

Psalm 70:5- But as for me, I am poor and needy; please hurry to my aid, O God.  You are my (ezer) helper and my savior; O Lord, do not delay.

God could have called women anything he wanted.  But He chose a word that means strength.  I’m so sorry that’s been lost in translation.  But women, let this truth wash over you… You are strong.  You are of equal strength as men.  You were not created to be his helpmate, but to be his strength.  God used a word that describes him to describe you.  God didn’t call us a helper.  He called us strength.  



YOU ARE STRONG.  So today, hold your head high, and embrace your inner ezer.

I Stand With HER!

October 11th was International Day of the Girl and it stirred something in me.  I have a front row seat to watch the cycle of poverty, machismo, under-resourced public education (or lack of education), and broken governmental systems fail girls, teenagers, and women. I understand the pressing need for girls to be educated and empowered. 

I think of Sophia* whose mom is selling herself on the street, and whose dad is selling drugs on the same street.  Sophia moved out of their house fearing for her own safety, and thankfully found refuge with some loving neighbors.  However, Sophia dropped out of school because she feels she has to pay her own way in the world and she can't cause financial strain on the family who has taken her in.

I think of courageous Eva.  She's a teen mom due to sexual abuse.  When she shares her story, she recalls that her own mother sold her to men to support her own drug habit.  She continues to live in a highly volatile environment, but hopes for a different future for her daughter. 

I think of Lara who tells me that the only role for women that is valued in her neighborhood is becoming a mom.  So she doesn't understand why anyone would want to delay becoming a mom.  Mothers are valued and have someone in their lives who is always going to love them.  That's why she dropped out of school and purposefully became pregnant at a young age.

I think of Carolina who misses school on a regular basis to care for the brood of younger brothers who fill her house while her parents work to try to keep all the bellies full.  She's extremely responsible and works hard but is failing her classes. 

I think of Maria who after struggling and failing to pass the 7th grade, her parents pulled her from school.  They basically told her that she could not instead of looking for educational support. 

I also think of Maricel - an amazingly courageous women who walks the streets of an at-risk neighborhood to show teen moms that they are loved, valued, and have great potential. 

I think of Reina who chose to build a house in that same neighborhood so teen moms could see a healthy, loving family who wants to support them. 

I think of Guadalupe who herself is striving to break the cycle of poverty with her own education.  She's finishing up her first year of university.  While studying, she spends time to visit other teen girls in a highly impoverished neighborhood.  She wants the teenagers in that neighborhood to know they can succeed in school too, and help their families have a different future. 

Girls need to be in school, given opportunities to make a future for themselves.  I think we can all say, "Yes, I believe in girls all over the world receiving an adequate education."  We want to stand up against governments and social structures that are denying girls access to education.  But I also want to stand up for those women who are on the front lines everyday.  Maricel, Reina, and Guadalupe don't need a special day to remind them of the human rights of girls and women.  Nor do they need to be encouraged to fight for them.  These women are my heroes.  I stand with them in the fight for basic human rights for girls!

*Names of girls have been changed for their privacy and to protect them.

BeLOVED, Sweet Daughter

The last few weeks I’ve been on a rollercoaster ride.  I’ve learned some things I honestly wish I didn’t have to deal with…  I learned about some ugliness that I would like to simply erase from my mind and history.  But it happened and I’m still dealing with the consequences of other’s actions.  And I’m learning to take responsibility for what is mine, and not take responsibility for what’s not.

This situation has forced me to really examine once again my identity and who I want to me.  I don’t want to be a person who simply reacts to what happens to me.  I want to be a person who invites others to embracing who they really are. 

Hear this great truth from my friend Henri Nouwen –

“’You are my Beloved, on you my favor rests.’ That voice has always been there, but it seems that I was much more eager to listen to other louder voices saying, “Prove that you are worth something; do something relevant, spectacular, or powerful, and then you will earn the love you so desire. Meanwhile, the soft gentle voice that speaks in the silence and solitude of my heart renamed unheard or, at least, unconvincing.”

Let it be convincing.  Remember – no matter what happens around you, YOU ARE LOVED!  You are the beloved.  The Lord looks at you and is well pleased.  BE LOVED, my friend!  Celebrate the love and embrace it.  

The Weight of the Papers In My Hands

I can't even begin to describe the emotions and thoughts that have been twirling around in my head and mind these last few days.  It feels too big to grasp - too much hope, too much opportunity for disappointment.  

Over a year ago, I made a very public announcement that I was moving towards the process of adoption.  I had to let people in at the beginning.  I live as a result of the generosity of others and wanted them to be aware of what God was calling me to do and that I would need their help.  A year has past and finally I have received the final documents necessary to be able to turn in my application packet.  All the official documents with their official seals and their official translations.  The papers feel weighty: futures held in the balance of a bunch of paperwork.  

I have found my heart wanting to protect itself this past month, because a yes and a match is not a guarentee.  But as I´ve been challenged to write things I want my children to know... here's what I´d like my son to know today.

Sweet boy,

You have not be forgotten.  You are seen.  Your story is not complete.  I´m fighting for you.  This is the verse I´m declaring over you today:

"Now to Him who is able to [carry out His purpose and] do superabundantly more than all that we dare ask or think [infinitely beyond our greatest prayers, hopes, or dreams], according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations forever and ever. Amen." 
(Eph. 3:20-21, Amplified Bible)

Superabundantly more- yup... more than we can even dare to ask.  And I´m daring to ask a lot for you.  

I am sad that today I don´t get to hold you close, to pray over you, and remind you that you are loved.  But know I am praying for you.  And you have the absolute best Father there is!  He is with you now.  And I´ve asked Him to hold you tight and whisper His love in your ear.  And I´m praying that His voice will be louder than anything else that might be going on around you.  You are loved, champ!